Killer’s Kiss V: V is for Vengeance

By Klementina Ristovska

From people locking themselves up and fully abandoning Dining Hall meals, to skipping committee meetings, events and classes – all for the sake of evading potential death. 

Once again this spring, campus community split in two: a handful of those who embraced utmost paranoia with all its consequences versus the rest. And most of the rest lived by fairly unconcerned, wild chases and wrestling battles in the background noted with a bored shrug: “Just Killer’s Kiss”. Others appreciated the entertainment and excitedly aided their participating friends in plotting murderous traps. Yet, it seemed to me, the non-players’ bloc this time was largely dominated by those cynical about the whole thing: The game is silly and it gets too violent.

“You are taking this way too seriously” was a commonly heard remark. On a Facebook thread about Killer’s Kiss business, someone had answered a similar comment: “So what?” Indeed, the argument is meaningless. Perhaps taking the game serious makes it all the more fun, or it simply reflects how greatly entertaining it is for those participating. Players enjoy it – the smell of kissed-cheek blood and the sense of triumph for outsmarting your nemesis. The excitement. The resemblance to childhood hide-and-seek fun – an atypical break from tedious academic routine and an essential part of UCU’s social life tradition.

Ultimately, as the confession stories below testify, even those “violent” encounters are not as scary and dangerous as some would frame them. Read on through some of the testimonials from the KK website.

lipsConfession #1. Thursday Apr 18, 8:45

“I walk over to my window, and proceed to make myself comfortable in the safety of my room. A split second later, a guy bursts out of my closet and reaches for my cheek. I start calling out to my unitmate. I can hear her rushing down. I frantically reach for the lock while keeping this guy off me, at one point even resorting to tickling. However, his hand reaches the lock first.

Still fighting, we fall on my bed. I say, ‘There are some documents on the bed, can we move to the floor?’ We get up in the same position with me behind him and my hands locked around his neck. While practically wrestling (and fair bit of kickboxing), we have an almost casual convo about how this is rape. The guy apologizes for the obvious resemblance, but we proceed to wrestle anyway. After a considerable amount of time, I ask him whether or not the door is locked. He replies in the affirmative, and knowing that there was no way of opening it, I let him kiss me.

At the end I found out it was actually me who locked my door when I came in, and with it – my own fate.”

Confession #2: Wednesday Apr 10, 21:02

“My target had sprained her ankle – there was no way she could run away. This was going to be a piece of cake.

I positioned myself on the bench between Kromhout and Locke, waiting patiently. Soon, the girl appeared, clumsily limping over the pathway. I got up, hid behind the bike shed and waited. Once she passed by me, I approached her. She saw me before I could make my move, so I decided to be smooth about it. “Hey!” I smiled, “How are you?” She somewhat warily nodded she was fine, and asked me how I was. “I…” I started. “I am… Your. Killer!” I hissed as I grabbed her to quickly make my move.

Now, I am a fairly typical girl, not particularly fast or strong but not tiny and completely helpless either. In my judgment, so was my victim. Boy, was I wrong.

Before I knew what was happening, the girl blocked my attack with her arm and started struggling away, screaming for help. I didn’t want to hurt her, so I tried to get her to the ground without hitting her ankle. She laughed, saying, “You are NOT killing me!”, blocking my every attempt to get anywhere near her face. Before I knew it, she had me pinned to the ground and was sitting on top of me. In open air.

I gasped. “Wait what – how are you so strong?!” She laughed. “Martial arts, babe. Now do you give up?”

Confession #3: Tuesday Apr 16, 16:13

“(…) A wild chase through Newton. I needed a place where there would be witnesses! I ran towards the classroom I knew my friend was in. I pushed myself against the window, so that the people in the classroom would see me and serve as witnesses.
Naturally, this was quite a stressful situation for me, but a very funny one for the people in the classroom. Me standing there (I might have looked a teeny bit scared) was distracting them so much that the professor came out and told me to leave!
Of course I couldn’t; that would mean I would die. I waited outside until the class finished and walked home with my friend.
And guess what? The guy wasn’t even my killer! Lesson learned: True paranoia has no limits.”


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