It Takes Balls

By Mikael Eriksson

There seems to be a hair removal trend, and it is no longer confined to women. What is it like? Why do some men regularly pay 40€ to get a wax? I decided to find out and go full Brazilian.

In the last two years in Utrecht, three hair waxing salons have opened within a few hundred meters from each other. While one is only for women, the other two market themselves towards both sexes.  The idea of getting a genital wax was foreign to me, but the more I thought about it, the more curious I became. And that’s how I found myself going to No-Hair Studio on the Nachtegaalstraat.

Before going to the salon I seriously doubted whether I should go for it. Scenarios of how it could go wrong rushed through my head. What if I got an erection in the middle of the waxing? Or worse: I’ve read stories of people ejaculating during the wax because they were nervous or aroused. How would I react? I bought two cans of rum and coke from Albert Hein for a quick boost of courage.

Already late for my appointment, I was still hesitating. What are you doing? Just go! I had to force myself into the waxing studio. Part of me was hoping that the beautician would say I was too late, but of course fate would have it otherwise. Not much later, we walked into the room where she would remove my pubes.

“You can drop your pants and lie down now,” she said.

Nutella-1We started talking, and soon I felt more like I was at the hairdresser – with a twist. As she started rubbing my genitals with a disinfectant cream, I decided that my calm spot would be the chandelier hanging from the ceiling. The wax looked a bit like Nutella, and she spread it like butter over my skin, starting from the lower abdomen. It was hot, but not painful, and solidified after about half a minute.

“It feels a bit like when you pour candle wax on your skin,” I told her. Immediately, I realized that what I said insinuated that I pour candle wax on my genitals regularly. Fortunately she did not seem to make that connection.

When the wax was solid, she firmly pulled it off, and with it my pubes. It hurt, but was definitely bearable.

She worked her way towards the root of my penis. It hurt the most when she waxed the groin along the border of the scrotum, and must confess that I flinched there. Waxing the scrotum was interchangeably reward and punishment. When she spread the hot wax on my balls my whole body relaxed and this was the only moment during the wax where I was close to getting an erection. However, pulling the wax off was not as pleasant.

After about half an hour she said we were almost done. I was surprised. I thought the butt and the butt crack were included in a Brazilian wax, but it turned out a full wax was called a Hollywood here. She used a pair of tweezers to pull out the last few hairs and then finished off by massaging the area with a “calming lotion” that looked and felt more like Vaseline.

I realized I had made it through. I felt as if I had just gone bungee jumping.

Getting the wax was not too painful, although it is not for the timid and is quite expensive. In return you get smooth genitals that stay hairless for about a month. It is a nice feeling, and it definitely beats shaving, but is it worth it? That depends on how much you desire hairlessness. I can see the practical and sexual benefits of waxing, but as I look at myself in the mirror, I can’t help but feel a bit naked.

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