The More the Merrier

How UCU students can expand their devotion to campus life

 By Ivo Dimitrov and Klementina Ristovska

Tired of friends ignoring your birthday party because of an “incredibly important committee meeting”? Fed up with getting endless invites for all sorts of crazy events? Perhaps we have too many leisure committees that eat up too much of our money on sketchy activities. Beep – wrong.

UCU’ers are nowhere near as involved as they should be. Especially with TribalCo now losing its committee status, we think campus is in a dire need of new, exciting and, of course, reasonable committees. We are throwing some ideas.

MassageCo – What happened with the idea? Long days spent sitting on uncomfortable chairs in class, our rooms, Dining Hall – torture! MassageCo will work day and night to provide free, unlimited massage. Before you know it, Voltaire study area will turn into a wellness area, where you can enjoy a customized relaxation treatment while doing your Law readings. You will never again come unprepared to class.

GroceriesCo – Hate losing precious time on shopping off-campus? GroceriesCo for the win. Forget about the exhausting five-minute bike ride, or the horror of AH being out of your favorite juice. GroceriesCo will hire a special delivery team to do all the work for you. No need to pay the service – you’re a member. Just send them a text and within minutes a bag of your favorite snacks will materialize at your doorstep.

DietCo – DH food too expensive? DietCo will lobby with Sodexo to replace the current credit system with a calories-based system: no more than a 100 per day. Board members will stroll around DH confiscating deep-fried, fattening food (everything that’s served for dinner?), giving people an approving nod for having a glass of water instead of a meal. Thin and with full wallets – what else to wish for?

Hey, we limited our suggestions to reasonable committees, but this MilitiaCo, advertised on posters around campus a few weeks ago, did sound like the ultimate excitement. Why not? Because there is no such thing as too much extracurricular involvement at UCU.

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